


Interlude 1: six feet is not short

by goldfishtobleroneandamitie



Series: you're human, so am I [3]
Category: Les Misérables (2012), Les Misérables - All Media Types, Les Misérables - Schönberg/Boublil, Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Gen, Humor, Hunger Games References, butt watching, dialogue-only fic, mechanic!Feuilly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-19
Updated: 2013-04-19
Packaged: 2017-12-08 21:56:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/766470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldfishtobleroneandamitie/pseuds/goldfishtobleroneandamitie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which relativity is discussed, boots are thrown, and boundaries are set.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Interlude 1: six feet is not short

**Author's Note:**

  * For [opabine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/opabine/gifts).



> So my beautiful beta and Les Mis life partner opabine and I have several weird headcanons, all of which found their way into this dialogue exercise. Among them are mechanic!Feuilly and that Feuilly isn't actually short, he's just shorter than everyone else except Jehan, and he gets sick and tired of being 'the short one'. The last, and most serious, one is that Feuilly/Eponine makes a whole buttload of sense, because they come from a background where he would understand her and not need to rescue her. That's what this whole series is about, I guess--that these two souls, certainly not as intact as the day they were born, somehow found each other and accepted themselves, without needing fixing. 
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> -stargirl

“ _I AM SIX FEET TALL_!”

“…what?”

“I AM NOT SHORT!”

“Feuilly, calm down. Eponine doesn’t seem to care that you’re vertically challenged.”

“I’m not, though! It’s not my fault all my friends are absurdly tall.”

“Feuilly, when we’re both standing up I can see the top of your head.”

“That’s because you are _six foot five,_ Combeferre! Bahorel and Bossuet are six-four, Courf, Joly and Enjolras are six-two, Grantaire’s six-one. The only one of us who’s shorter than me is Jehan, and he’s five feet nine—still taller than average, and three inches shorter than me! So why am I the short one?”

“…maybe it’s the hat?”

“-OW!”

“All right, give me my boot back, I have to go to work.”

“…do you even need the lifters for the cars? Methinks you’d fit undernea-OW!”

“All right, there’s two boots. Give them ba-OW!”

“Don’t throw boots at me. You may not be short, but you’re shorter than me, and I can push you over and sit on you.”

“Don’t call me short, Jimmy.”

“For the last time, my name is James Marcelin de Courfeyrac, peasant! And it isn’t like you have room to talk, you share a name with a wannabe revolutionary in a wannabe Twilight book.”

“Actually, Courfeyrac, _The Hunger Games_ is considerably better critically than _Twilight._ It deals with more relevant and relatable themes of change and teen violence, and the female characters are strong and dynamic rather than waiting on men to fix their lives for them. Gale Hawthorne is a firebrand who helps lead a revolution. So Gael Feuilly is actually a good name to have. Also, Liam Hemsworth is ridiculously attractive.”

“But not as attractive as me, right?”

“James, I worked too hard to get your attention to dump you over an actor who decided to date, let alone marry, Miley Cyrus. I have standards.”

“Even if Courf doesn’t reflect them—OW!”

“There’s your boot back, asshole.”

“I still need the other one.”- “Ha, caught it.”

“Just like your herpes.”

“Trust me, I do not have herpes. Eponine would kill me.”

“You really like saying her name, don’t you?”

“Because she certainly likes saying _yours,_ through the wall—“

“Joly, do not even get me started on the _threesomes_ that take place in your bedroom.”

“Point taken. But keep it down anyway. “

“Leaving now.”

* * *

 

(about eight hours later)

“Hrnggghh? Ep?”

“Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you.”

“Not’t’all. C’mere, baby. Wasn’t expecting you tonight.”

“I know, but the bartending job I picked up…”

“What happened? I’m awake now.”

“You know that guy who I used to date? Montparnasse?”

“Isn’t he in jail?”

“Yes. Not one of my better life decisions. Why are your boots still on?”

“Courf…never mind. What about Montparnasse?”

“One of his idiot friends came in, recognized me, and proceeded to make suggestive comments about my ass. I may have mentioned you, and the fact that you're built from fixing cars for a living.”

“Did you get his name and home address?”

“Neither. Apparently he knew you from your days of running the streets, _G-Fey.”_

“I was going to tell you about that, eventually.”

“At least now I know why you never judged me for it.”

“I never could. Not you, Ep.”

“I know. And I love you for it.”

“All right, I’m awake now. Let’s punish Joly, Bossuet, and Musichetta for keeping me up till one AM.”

“It’s 3 AM.”

_“I know_. Wait, seriously? _Jesus, Eponine….”_

* * *

 

(some time and several screams later)

“…that’s why you’re the only one allowed to make suggestive comments about my ass.”


End file.
